FUN
by violafanatic
Summary: Mostly unrelated drabbles done for fun. Christmas one-shot up
1. N is for Anytime and Anywhere At All

Jack has a list of things he doesn't like to do on a Saturday, such as going to class, going shopping for pads, and especially being woken up before the first rooster crows. Thankfully for Jack, there is no rooster within a 50 mile radius, so he never has to get up before noon. Until today.

Jack was enjoying a pleasant dream about a certain platinum blonde before he was abruptly awoken by the distinct lyrics of _Beat It._

 _They'll kick you, then they beat you,_  
 _Then they'll tell you it's fair_  
 _So beat it_

Recognizing Anna's ringtone even in his subconscious, Jack immediately picked up the phone.

"Hey Jack~" came Anna's chirpy voice. Casting a bleary glance at the clock at his nightstand Jack groaned when he saw that it was 3:27 AM.

"What do you want Anna."

"Just wanted to chat. A nice little chat."

"At _3_ in the morning? Can't this wait until later?"

"But Elsa will be awake then and- oops." Anna squeaked. Raising a brow at the statement, she now had Jack's full attention.

"And why wouldn't Elsa need to know about this conver-"

"Don't get the wrong idea. She will know. Just after I have written my will and testament. The notary is taking quite a while so..."

Rubbing his hand over his face, Jack sighed loudly. "Get to the point."

"She's not there is she?"

Jack cast a half-hearted glance around his dark room. "No," he huffed annoyedly.

"Good. I really don't know how to tell her this and when she hears about it I don't want you to become a casualty. Just a footnote, Kristoff and I were not planning this. Well, I mean we were, but just not _now_ , you know what I'm saying?" Jack could see that this wasn't going anywhere, so he propped his phone on the nightstand and lied back down on his bed, hoping that Anna will tire herself out.

"-and I knew it was a mistake. No! Wait! I don't mean it like that. It wasn't a mistake. Because he was _definitely_ not a mistake," she gushed out the last part. "But it was unintentional, but I didn't mind it. It's just, one thing led to another, and well...I'm pregnant," she blurted out the last part.

But that last word was clear enough to Jack who immediately sat up and reached for his phone, only to miss and end up knocking over the lamp and the phone, shattering the former into several hundred pieces. Getting on his feet to reach for the phone, Jack accidentally stepped on a particularly sharp shard that resulted in a (rather masculine) banshee-like scream.

"Oh my gosh, Jack are you alright? Elsa heard me didn't she? _I told you to see if she was there_! Now you're probably dead, a casualty of her sisterly rage, and I'm talking to a corpse...which I now have to bury!" she cried as realization dawned on her, "I'm an accessory to murder! I don't know the first thing about disposing a corpse, _well I do know a guy_ , but I'm too young to be put on FBI's most wanted. And _I'm pregnant!_ Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, _oh my_ -"

Finally having reached his phone, and taken out the little stinger from his foot, Jack began his attempts to pacify a hyperventilating Anna.

"-my poor child. It'll never get to go out and make friends-

"Anna, I'm not dead-"

"-it'll probably end up stuck in a prison bunk-"

"-woman, listen to me-"

"- _no crib for a bed-_ " she began singing between ugly sobs.

 _"ANNA, I'm very much alive._ " Upon hearing that the sobs came to an abrupt halt, replaced by a petrified scream.

"Oh no. I'm hearing things now. Am I dead? Did Elsa reach me and kill me while I didn't even realize it?" her voice quivered.

Raising a hand to rub his temples, Jack tried to gain her attention again in vain. "Anna-"

"Well, at least it was painless."

"Anna-"

"-she was always a very gentle person," she said lovingly.

"Please let me talk," Jack cried in frustration. Taking the silence at the other end as a 'go ahead,' Jack continued.

"What happened exactly-"

"Jack, do I really need to have the birds and the bees talk with yo-"

 _"Not that!_ " a furious blush appearing on his cheeks. "Just forget it. So, you're pregnant," there was an awkward pause, "...wait, you're _pregnant_." When the words finally sunk in Jack felt a little guilty that his instinctive response, in his mind, of course, was _shoot, she spawns._

"Yes, we established that, Jack," she spoke slowly as if explaining it to a five-year old. Which at the moment is a good reflection of Jack's state of mind.

"I missed my period three weeks after waking up in bed with Kristoff, and I've been waking up often to throw up everything from shrimp scampi to meatloaf into the toilet." Jack has never once desired to know about the condition of her menstrual cycle, sex life or digestive system.

"The only think I'm understanding right now is that you're always harping on me about having premarital sex with Elsa but apparently you've been doing the nasty with your own blonde? HYPOCRITE!" Jack said pinching the bridge of his nose in an attempt to chase away a creeping migraine.

"Shut up! We were drunk and it was just a one time thing- _wait, are you having premarital sex with Elsa?_ " Anna hissed.

"If I was I wouldn't have answered the phone now would I?" Jack snapped at the redhead. It was too early, and Jack was in no condition to remember Etiquette 101's rule of never snapping at pregnant women. It's just that this is not the first time Anna would call him to to yell at him about hypothetically taking away Elsa's virtue. It kept him from doing important things. Like actually taking away Elsa's virtue.

"Just call me in the morning when my brain isn't mush. I'm going back to sleep," Jack yawned, "Give me a heads up when there will be Anna 2.0's running around. Preferably a one month notice so there's enough time for Elsa and I to move to- you said you would never go to Latvia, right?"

" **Don't** " she shouted loud enough to cause another crack in a glacier somewhere in the world. _Her poor kids will never get to see a polar bear._

Staring at the phone he threw to the edge of his bed, Jack cautiously picked up the phone, keeping it at a 2 feet distance from his ears, which in the morning he will need to get checked for hearing loss. "Please stop screaming."

"Well, _please_ stop stressing me out," Anna's tone dripping with sarcasm. "This hormone thing is making me unbalanced and, just basically on edge." Jack wasn't top of his class at med school, but he knew that hormones alone were not enough to give a 5'4" woman the power to widen the San Andreas fault with just her lungs. Thinking better, and in the interests of his bleeding ears, Jack didn't voice his thoughts and instead chose to give an apologetic grunt.

"I need a drink."

"Anna, pregnant women aren't supposed to-"

"I'm not asking," she said with finality in her voice. Poor Kristoff. "I'll send you Kristoff's address. Bring some vinegar, chocolate, and a couple pregnancy tests." Jack could just picture her tapping her chin in thought, the same way a mafia boss would. "Yeah, just that is fine. For now."

"Wait, why do I have to do it?!"

"Because Kristoff's asleep," she replied as if the answer was obvious, "Now hurry along, I want my stuff soon."

"That's not my question-"

"What? Are you going to make a pregnant woman go out at _4:15 AM_?" came her horrified reply. Jack was fighting a losing battle.

"That's not what I meant."

"Good. See you in twenty minutes," was her curt reply.

"Don't you dare hang up on me - _YOU BETTER NAME THE THING AFTER ME, DANGIT!"_


	2. F is for Friends Who Do Stuff Together

Well, Jack's finals were finished, marking the official end of his third first semester at med school.

Seeing as most people thought he wouldn't even graduate high school with his mediocre grades and poor citizenship, this was a reason to celebrate. Unfortunately, there was not much time to do so considering how there were only 8 days until Christmas as Burgess Medical School was the kind of nasty school where the semester cut late into December whereas his buddies at their respective schools were already a week into their break. But at least he would get a break that extended long into January. Either way, Jack needed the rest of the month off.

Jack sighed at the thought as he trekked the familiar path to the apartment he shared with his girlfriend, Elsa. She had gone all out on the Christmas decorations. Together they'd picked out a tree and hung tinsel and holly (of the plastic variety) all around the living room and front door. She had gone crazy with DIY's and had practically cleared the shelves of the local market of anything remotely red and green. They had two stockings, well one stocking and Jack's unpaired gym sock but it's mostly red and Elsa glued cotton balls to the top so it works, which Elsa hung on the refrigerator like the hillbilly she was because there was no fireplace.

Yet, all in all, it was going to be one of Jack's more memorable holidays. There was something really… _pleasant_ about returning to a warm and inviting home everyday where the roommate was not a sweaty male who thinks Axe is the solution to the world's problems. Elsa kept the place stocked to the brim with eggnog and spiced apple tea to keep with the holiday theme and she had taken to baking cookie-like objects that are slowly becoming more edible.

Shoving his hands into his pockets, Jack marched up the stairs toward Building 3. They would be leaving to visit Elsa's family in three days and the thought was both exciting and terrifying.

In his heart of hearts Jack looked forward to meeting the parents of the girl he was dating. Except, they didn't really know they were dating. Heck, her father would probably castrate him for even living with Elsa. Anna had made it clear that although she approved of the relationship, should Jack ever 'taint the white calla lily of Elsa's innocence' he would become a eunuch.

Then there was the whole matter of buying presents for her and her family, which, frankly, had been nothing short of a nightmare. After all, what do you get the person who could buy anything. He wanted her to get something nice, because even if she drove him crazy at times, he genuinely cared for her. He'd mulled over his options for weeks and eventually decided on a simple, albeit stylish, white gold bracelet from the jewelry shop from an outlet mall fifty miles away. He needed something one-of-a-kind. Just like her.

* * *

"The snow's getting really bad…" Elsa remarked nervously, staring out the passenger's side window.

Jack merely grunted in agreement as his rigid body position gave away his attention to the road. With the snow picking up and the roads steadily becoming slicker, even with his snow tires, Jack drove like an old grandmother, hands attentively at 10:00 and 2:00 and his eyes locked on the road ahead.

"I told you we should have left earlier," Elsa voiced her concerns.

"It's fine, we'll make it by Christmas Eve. You're the one who wanted this to be a surprise, so don't get your panties in a twist," Jack quipped.

"Did you seriously just say that to me?" Elsa asked. However, her tone was anything but scandalized by his mentioning her unmentionables. "Jack, it's Christmas. Can you at least stop fantasizing about my panties for _two seconds_ and—"

Jack lost her at the word panties. He fell into daydreaming about her panties, as he was doing more often lately. He had been doing his laundry last week when he come across, by pure coincidence, mind you, a scrap of navy blue lace masquerading as underwear. He promptly shoved his face into a pile of snow to cool down and quickly hid the cloth under his clothes pile. This event did no good towards curbing his fantasizing.

At least he had the comfort of knowing that he would get a reprieve at her parents' house as her father's watchful gaze would be occupying a good portion of his worries.

"Jack?"

"Yeah," he snapped out of his thoughts a cast a quick glance toward a worried Elsa.

"I really think we should consider finding a hotel or something. Driving right now would be impossible," she gestured toward the apocalypse going on outside the car.

Jack sighed at this. "I guess. There's a Motel 66 a mile away, we can camp there."

Elsa beamed at this and tucked her hands under her legs like a little girl, a picture of adult innocence.

Slowly, Jack got off the freeway as he tried to make out the dimly lit building. He hated nothing more than driving in snow. It was slippery, dangerous, and on his bald snow tires, suicidal. Grimacing, he pulled into a parking spot closest to the motel, hating the prospect of leaving the warmth and safety of his car as the howling wind and fat snowflakes pelted his windshield.

"All right, you got to make this quick." he advised Elsa. "I'll get the bags, and you run inside and get us a room."

"I'll help you," she insisted. "It's a fricking nightmare outside and I know for a fact that my suitcase weighs as much as you do."

"Typical girl," he scoffed.

"It's full of Christmas gifts, you butt," Elsa snapped, pulling a snowcap over her head, covering her ears, then tightening the cashmere scarf donning her neck. "All right, it's go time."

Half-annoyed by her attitude and half-amused by her spunk, Jack nodded at his girlfriend and at the count of three, they threw open their doors together.

Instantly, Jack was slapped with a gust of icy wind. He tugged at the collars of his jacket and cast a nervous glance at Elsa, who weighed about six pounds and was liable to being blown away in the storm. Although Elsa claimed that the snow never bothered her, the tempest going on around them with winds rushing at the speed of light would make the abominable snowman quake.

She had reached their bags in the trunk as Jack was still trying to close his door, which was unfortunately facing the wrong side of the wind. When he finally managed to slam the door shut, although with a suspicious cracking sound that he would just have to investigate in the morning, Jack turned to see Elsa's skinny legs in a pair of too-thin nylons and too-high heels, causing him to shake his head and run, slip, back to help her.

She had just lifted her suitcase out when a particularly strong gust blew her over, crashing her against Jack who had just thrown his bag over his shoulder, and now, was threatening to fall over.

"What possessed you to wear heels in a snowstorm?" he demanded angrily as she took a moment to find her footing. "Oh for goodness sakes pick up your suitcase."

"What?" Elsa shouted as she stood upright, and to Jack's chagrin, gracefully in the midst of a snowstorm.

" _Pick up your suitcase!_ "

"NOW IS NOT THE TIME TO PICK UP A FRUITCAKE!"

Determined not to die in a snowy parking lot, Jack cursed under his breath as he snatched Elsa's suitcase off the ground, shoved it into her arms, and in an effortless movement that deserved a Grammy Award for Best Male Lead in Cliched Romance Short, he slung her across his free shoulder like a sack of potatoes. She let out an expected shirk of protest but clutched her suitcase and shrunk into herself as Jack sprinted for the lobby.

The automatic doors slid open to welcome them with a gush of warmth. Panting in relief and exhaustion, he put down a struggling Elsa who landed on her impractical heels with a light thud.

"That was actually fun," she said with bright eyes and a brighter smile. "We should do that again, thanks Jack!" She pecked his cheek and had the nerve to _skip_ toward the front desk.

 _Stupid, impractical, annoying little…_

"Excuse me, sir," Elsa said to the clerk at the front desk, "We want to reserve a room?" Jack watched as the older man eyed her up like Christmas presents and scowled. _Did this have to happen everywhere?_

"Sure, can I have a form of ID and a credit card?" He gave her a (in Jack's opinion) lecherous grin and held out his hand. _Oh heck no._ Jack stormed in front of Elsa, forgetting his bags, to shove his own cards at the man.

The clerk couldn't help but step back at the intimidating presence of Jack in 'possessive boyfriend' mode and immediately processed the card, handed them keys to the room, and answered a fake phone call within under a minute.

As they were walking toward their room, Jack turned to Elsa and snapped.

"Why do you always have to do that?"

"Do what?" Elsa asked innocently.

"That sweet, innocent smile you give everybody, you lead these guys on, Elsa."

Elsa stared at Jack incredulously. "I asked a clerk for a room for us. In what dimension is that leading a person on? Besides you do the same thing!"

Missing a step and almost tripping on his own feet, Jack caught himself and stopped to turn fully to her. "Same thing? What are you talking about?"

Elsa moved passed him and continued walking, sticking her nose in the air before replying, "Whenever we order Chinese food that stupid girl with the nose ring drops it off for us and you always give her a huge tip."

"And that's me leading her on how?" Jack snorted and caught up to his now ticked off girlfriend.

"Because I know for a _fact_ that you never tip the pizza delivery guy anywhere near as much!"

"Well, I would if he stopped eating a piece of our pizza every time we order!" Jack countered. "I'm not paying the man to share our pizza and give us what he didn't get the chance to finish in the _twenty damn minutes_ it takes him to bring it over."

" _Please_ , I see you checking out the nose ring. Admit it, you have a thing for nose rings, you philandering…"

Jack ignored her next words as they reached their room.

"We are not having this conversation. What we need right now is a nice warm bath—"

"Oh ho, if you think I'm getting into a bath with you, you have another thing coming, mister."

"Not together woman," Jack scowled, "I'd like to return to school whole. If I so much as touched you I am pretty sure your family will have some way of finding out."

Elsa couldn't help but agree with that statement as she followed Jack into the room.

"Fine," Elsa relented before there was a sudden change in mood.

"I can't wait for you to meet my family. You have never been to my house but you'll love it there. We have the best Christmases."

Jack nodded absentmindedly as he rummaged his bags for his toothbrush. Because there was no need to worry about spending the holidays with his girlfriend's family who doesn't even know he exists save the sister who promises him a world of pain should he ever hurt her darling sister, right? Yeah, what could go wrong.


	3. U is for You and Me

"Kristoff, you will never believe this." That statement never meant anything good. He learned that painfully from his years of dating Anna.

The third year cardiologist sighed. "What is it now Anna? I swear if you are just dragging me to see an _interesting_ picture of a wart you found online-"

"No! Even better." Against his will, the burly man was dragged away from his dorm, glancing at his poor door that was broken in the wake of Anna's all important news.

"Even better...a mole?" He received a glare in response. She opened her mouth, prepared to scold him if it weren't for the irritated voice of a certain second year surgeon resident.

"Shut yer' trap," Merida hissed from her spot in front of a door they were approaching. She was hunched over uncomfortably, pressing her ear firmly against the door he recognized to be Jack and Bunny's.

"Get a load of this," Merida ushered the two to follow her example and lean their ears against the door. Kristoff was a man of pride and some dignity, thus he naturally refused to meddle in other people's lives.

"What? I don't-"

" _Jack!_ "

Kristoff could feel himself pale as he heard the scream being followed by a serious of thumps on the floor. His honor left the door as curiosity got the better of him and he leaned his ear against the door.

"We have to call for help! Sounds like Elsa's being murdered," Kirstoff whispered harshly to the two redheads. Merida looked up from her spot to stare dumbly at him.

"You innocent, naive boy. A wee lamb," Merida cooed as she pinched his cheeks roughly. Kristoff responded by slapping her hand away. He was about to follow up with a retort before he heard Jack's voice.

 _"You sure you want to go again, Elsa?"_ Someone sounded tired.

 _"Yes. Please, please Jack."_

 _"We just did it twice and I'm honestly exhausted. Your lungs should also be tired, too, from all your screaming."_

 _"Just one more round, I promise I'll make it worth your while."_

At the last comment Kristoff felt his cheeks heat up at the realization of what was taking place. "Wait are they- mmph!" Merida's hand muffled the man whose voice was getting progressively louder.

"Yes! Now hush!"

 _"Fine, we can go again. Just give me a few minutes to get back my energy..."_

 _"Don't worry Jack, I'm an expert. I've been at this game long enough to know some techniques."_

"What techniques! Elsa's a prude! Always been a prude! How the heck did she manage to sneak out when I never got past the kitchen," Anna could only hiss in bewilderment, not wiling to admit that while the image she held of her innocent sister shattered, her respect for the platinum blonde increased.

" _So...you ready now?_ "

 _"Yeah, yeah. Sit down already."_ A slight pause and the sound of shuffling _._

 _"Ready?"_

 _"Ready."_

 _"And..._ _ **Fight!**_ _"_

The silence on the side of the door facing the hallway could be cut by a butterknife.

Merida stared at the door which her ear had abandoned. "What the fu-"

"Wait, is that some kind of code word?" Kristoff looked at Merida for enlightenment. All three members of the guilty party held equally red faces displaying their embarrassment but they couldn't help but be surprised with what they last heard.

"I don't get it. Are they having sex or not?" Anna frowned.

"Anna!" Kristoff balked at his girlfriends blunt statement.

"What?" Anna glanced at her boyfriend. "I need to know whether or not I have to get out my castrating tools."

Merida glared at the both of them. "Enough." She glanced at the door. "We're going in," she declared resolutely.

Kristoff panicked at this. "Wait, no we can't do this to them!"

But it was too late as the Scot lifted her heeled boot and gave the door a hard kick.

 **"Cover whatever you don't want to be seen!"**

"What the-? Merida?"

The three eavesdroppers rushed in and stared at the scene before them, which was quite different from what they had in mind. Jack, who was on the floor closest to the TV screen, stared back at them with equal surprise before he looked over at his door which now had a deep groove that looked like a boot mark. Elsa, on the other hand, sat on the couch hunched over a game controller, expertly pressing buttons that made explosions go off on the screen. She spared the intruders a glance before looking back at the screen and giving a triumphant cry.

"I win!"

Jack turned back towards the screen to see his character laying down on the ground with animated X's in it's eyes. "Hey, that's not fair! I was distracted," waving his hand in the direction of their new guests.

"Doesn't matter, I'm surviving longer than you are."

"Whateve- watch out for that chihuahua. It's evil I tell you. Bit off my head last time."

"No! My arms!"

"Hah! You're dead too."

Anna blinked a couple of times to process the rush of information before she finally turned around and grabbed her friends' hands to drag them out with her. Merida closed the door with a click and they remained silent for a moment.

"So, who's up for googling cool moles?"

* * *

Elsa cried out again in victory as her cart reached the finish line first. Jack had fallen off a large mushroom before he could reach the coveted checkered line.

"Danggit!" Jack cried.

Elsa cast her boyfriend a pitying smile. "It's okay. I was bad at the game too...when I was 5."

Jack glared at her. Wanting to make amends with the pouting child, Elsa leaned forward and placed a kiss on his cheek. Well, it was going to be on his cheek. Supposed to be, in fact. Jack just had impeccable timing and turned his head to have the kiss land on his mouth. Elsa was the first to pull away as she blushed profusely, not used to this level of intimacy yet in her 3 year relationship. Yes, she was a prude.

"I'm sorry Jack."

"Don't be," Jack smirked.

"I didn't mean f- mmph!" Elsa was tackled on the couch.

* * *

Bunny was walking back from an exhausting day in class and all he wanted to do was soak in the tub and fall asleep on his beloved couch. His hand was already gripping the doorknob when his finely tuned ears picked up on something he really should not have heard.

 _"I'm definitely better at this than you are. You keep getting tired to quickly._ " Bunny could recognize Elsa's voice.

 _"Don't care. At the end of the day I'm the real winner because I got to spend time with you_." And there is the voice of the bane of Bunny's existence, and friend.

 _"Gosh, Jack. You can be so cheesy. I'm sure you must have learned some techniques you can show me. You seem to be very experienced."_ A giggle.

 _"Fine. But you sure you want to lay down that way? Your going to be even more sore in the morning."_

 _"It's fine. Your couch is comfier than I remembered."_ A giggle. Great, now Bunny is going to have to burn the dang thing.

 _"All right then. You can lay down again."_

At this point Bunny was already speed walking down to the library. He could get started on the homework that was due last week. He was going to save it for the weekend but what the heck! He wasn't going to get any sleep tonight anyway with those horrible thoughts plaguing him.

The next day Bunny's friends found him asleep in the library slumped against one of the bookshelves. To their amazement he had finished next week's homework, as well. But Merida was concerned about the bags under his eyes and asked if he had a nightmare.

"I'd have preferred that, actually. At least that way I would know that what I heard wasn't real."


	4. F is for Fire That Burns Down the Town

Well, Jack's finals were finished, marking the official end of his third first semester at med school.

Seeing as most people thought he wouldn't even graduate high school with his mediocre grades and poor citizenship, this was a reason to celebrate. Unfortunately, there was not much time to do so considering how there were only 8 days until Christmas as Burgess Medical School was the kind of nasty school where the semester cut late into December whereas his buddies at their respective schools were already a week into their break. But at least he would get a break that extended long into January. Either way, Jack needed the rest of the month off.

Jack sighed at the thought as he trekked the familiar path to the apartment he shared with his girlfriend, Elsa. She had gone all out on the Christmas decorations. Together they'd picked out a tree and hung tinsel and holly (of the plastic variety) all around the living room and front door. She had gone crazy with DIY's and had practically cleared the shelves of the local market of anything remotely red and green. They had two stockings, well one stocking and Jack's unpaired gym sock but it's mostly red and Elsa glued cotton balls to the top so it works, which Elsa hung on the refrigerator like the hillbilly she was because there was no fireplace.

Yet, all in all, it was going to be one of Jack's more memorable holidays. There was something really… _pleasant_ about returning to a warm and inviting home everyday where the roommate was not a sweaty male who thinks Axe is the solution to the world's problems. Elsa kept the place stocked to the brim with eggnog and spiced apple tea to keep with the holiday theme and she had taken to baking cookie-like objects that are slowly becoming more edible.

Shoving his hands into his pockets, Jack marched up the stairs toward Building 3. They would be leaving to visit Elsa's family in three days and the thought was both exciting and terrifying.

In his heart of hearts Jack looked forward to meeting the parents of the girl he was dating. Except, they didn't really know they were dating. Heck, her father would probably castrate him for even living with Elsa. Anna had made it clear that although she approved of the relationship, should Jack ever 'taint the white calla lily of Elsa's innocence' he would become a eunuch.

Then there was the whole matter of buying presents for her and her family, which, frankly, had been nothing short of a nightmare. After all, what do you get the person who could buy anything. He wanted her to get something nice, because even if she drove him crazy at times, he genuinely cared for her. He'd mulled over his options for weeks and eventually decided on a simple, albeit stylish, white gold bracelet from the jewelry shop from an outlet mall fifty miles away. He needed something one-of-a-kind. Just like her.

* * *

"The snow's getting really bad…" Elsa remarked nervously, staring out the passenger's side window.

Jack merely grunted in agreement as his rigid body position gave away his attention to the road. With the snow picking up and the roads steadily becoming slicker, even with his snow tires, Jack drove like an old grandmother, hands attentively at 10:00 and 2:00 and his eyes locked on the road ahead.

"I told you we should have left earlier," Elsa voiced her concerns.

"It's fine, we'll make it by Christmas Eve. You're the one who wanted this to be a surprise, so don't get your panties in a twist," Jack quipped.

"Did you seriously just say that to me?" Elsa asked. However, her tone was anything but scandalized by his mentioning her unmentionables. "Jack, it's Christmas. Can you at least stop fantasizing about my panties for _two seconds_ and—"

Jack lost her at the word panties. He fell into daydreaming about her panties, as he was doing more often lately. He had been doing his laundry last week when he come across, by pure coincidence, mind you, a scrap of navy blue lace masquerading as underwear. He promptly shoved his face into a pile of snow to cool down and quickly hid the cloth under his clothes pile. This event did no good towards curbing his fantasizing.

At least he had the comfort of knowing that he would get a reprieve at her parents' house as her father's watchful gaze would be occupying a good portion of his worries.

"Jack?"

"Yeah," he snapped out of his thoughts a cast a quick glance toward a worried Elsa.

"I really think we should consider finding a hotel or something. Driving right now would be impossible," she gestured toward the apocalypse going on outside the car.

Jack sighed at this. "I guess. There's a Motel 66 a mile away, we can camp there."

Elsa beamed at this and tucked her hands under her legs like a little girl, a picture of adult innocence.

Slowly, Jack got off the freeway as he tried to make out the dimly lit building. He hated nothing more than driving in snow. It was slippery, dangerous, and on his bald snow tires, suicidal. Grimacing, he pulled into a parking spot closest to the motel, hating the prospect of leaving the warmth and safety of his car as the howling wind and fat snowflakes pelted his windshield.

"All right, you got to make this quick." he advised Elsa. "I'll get the bags, and you run inside and get us a room."

"I'll help you," she insisted. "It's a fricking nightmare outside and I know for a fact that my suitcase weighs as much as you do."

"Typical girl," he scoffed.

"It's full of Christmas gifts, you butt," Elsa snapped, pulling a snowcap over her head, covering her ears, then tightening the cashmere scarf donning her neck. "All right, it's go time."

Half-annoyed by her attitude and half-amused by her spunk, Jack nodded at his girlfriend and at the count of three, they threw open their doors together.

Instantly, Jack was slapped with a gust of icy wind. He tugged at the collars of his jacket and cast a nervous glance at Elsa, who weighed about six pounds and was liable to being blown away in the storm. Although Elsa claimed that the snow never bothered her, the tempest going on around them with winds rushing at the speed of light would make the abominable snowman quake.

She had reached their bags in the trunk as Jack was still trying to close his door, which was unfortunately facing the wrong side of the wind. When he finally managed to slam the door shut, although with a suspicious cracking sound that he would just have to investigate in the morning, Jack turned to see Elsa's skinny legs in a pair of too-thin nylons and too-high heels, causing him to shake his head and run, slip, back to help her.

She had just lifted her suitcase out when a particularly strong gust blew her over, crashing her against Jack who had just thrown his bag over his shoulder, and now, was threatening to fall over.

"What possessed you to wear heels in a snowstorm?" he demanded angrily as she took a moment to find her footing. "Oh for goodness sakes pick up your suitcase."

"What?" Elsa shouted as she stood upright, and to Jack's chagrin, gracefully in the midst of a snowstorm.

" _Pick up your suitcase!_ "

"NOW IS NOT THE TIME TO PICK UP A FRUITCAKE!"

Determined not to die in a snowy parking lot, Jack cursed under his breath as he snatched Elsa's suitcase off the ground, shoved it into her arms, and in an effortless movement that deserved a Grammy Award for Best Male Lead in Cliched Romance Short, he slung her across his free shoulder like a sack of potatoes. She let out an expected shirk of protest but clutched her suitcase and shrunk into herself as Jack sprinted for the lobby.

The automatic doors slid open to welcome them with a gush of warmth. Panting in relief and exhaustion, he put down a struggling Elsa who landed on her impractical heels with a light thud.

"That was actually fun," she said with bright eyes and a brighter smile. "We should do that again, thanks Jack!" She pecked his cheek and had the nerve to _skip_ toward the front desk.

 _Stupid, impractical, annoying little…_

"Excuse me, sir," Elsa said to the clerk at the front desk, "We want to reserve a room?" Jack watched as the older man eyed her up like Christmas presents and scowled. _Did this have to happen everywhere?_

"Sure, can I have a form of ID and a credit card?" He gave her a (in Jack's opinion) lecherous grin and held out his hand. _Oh heck no._ Jack stormed in front of Elsa, forgetting his bags, to shove his own cards at the man.

The clerk couldn't help but step back at the intimidating presence of Jack in 'possessive boyfriend' mode and immediately processed the card, handed them keys to the room, and answered a fake phone call within under a minute.

As they were walking toward their room, Jack turned to Elsa and snapped.

"Why do you always have to do that?"

"Do what?" Elsa asked innocently.

"That sweet, innocent smile you give everybody, you lead these guys on, Elsa."

Elsa stared at Jack incredulously. "I asked a clerk for a room for us. In what dimension is that leading a person on? Besides you do the same thing!"

Missing a step and almost tripping on his own feet, Jack caught himself and stopped to turn fully to her. "Same thing? What are you talking about?"

Elsa moved passed him and continued walking, sticking her nose in the air before replying, "Whenever we order Chinese food that stupid girl with the nose ring drops it off for us and you always give her a huge tip."

"And that's me leading her on how?" Jack snorted and caught up to his now ticked off girlfriend.

"Because I know for a _fact_ that you never tip the pizza delivery guy anywhere near as much!"

"Well, I would if he stopped eating a piece of our pizza every time we order!" Jack countered. "I'm not paying the man to share our pizza and give us what he didn't get the chance to finish in the _twenty damn minutes_ it takes him to bring it over."

" _Please_ , I see you checking out the nose ring. Admit it, you have a thing for nose rings, you philandering…"

Jack ignored her next words as they reached their room.

"We are not having this conversation. What we need right now is a nice warm bath—"

"Oh ho, if you think I'm getting into a bath with you, you have another thing coming, mister."

"Not together woman," Jack scowled, "I'd like to return to school whole. If I so much as touched you I am pretty sure your family will have some way of finding out."

Elsa couldn't help but agree with that statement as she followed Jack into the room.

"Fine," Elsa relented before there was a sudden change in mood.

"I can't wait for you to meet my family. You have never been to my house but you'll love it there. We have the best Christmases."

Jack nodded absentmindedly as he rummaged his bags for his toothbrush. Because there was no need to worry about spending the holidays with his girlfriend's family who doesn't even know he exists save the sister who promises him a world of pain should he ever hurt her darling sister, right? Yeah, what could go wrong.


End file.
